Vader van vier dochters is sensatie op Instagram

Vader van vier dochters is sensatie op Instagram
  • in Vaders
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  • 13/05/2019

Simon Hooper heeft heel wat te verduren met vier dochters. Op Instagram kun je met hem en zijn meiden meeleven en dat heeft hem al bijna 1 miljoen volgers opgeleverd.

Niemand is een perfecte vader en ook Simon Hooper niet. Met humor laat hij het echte leven van een vader zien op zijn Instagram account. Kijk mee en geniet!

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One moment I'm method acting the crap out of my role as a granny named Lucy at an exclusive tea party hosted by the twins, the next they've abandoned me quicker than the entourage of a celebrity embroiled in a sex scandal to act out scenes from a budget version of king Kong. In that moment, I transformed from being an engaged parent to a 36 year old man in tent who's been left ponder his life choices whilst talking to himself in strange accents & drinking air from a wooden cup. Isn't parenting wonderful. There's a long list of things I've continued to do when the those with the attention span of an senile goldfish decide to sod off that includes colouring, Lego, playing with dolls & simple puzzles that I time myself to complete because, well, why not! Who else has been dumped mid play & continued on your own? #abandoned #budgetkingkong #thisairislovely #maninatent #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #fod

Een bericht gedeeld door Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) op

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It's a little known fact that children's nurseries generate so much art work per day that if you added it all up, it would weigh the same as 10 blue whales who'd really left themselves go. Ok, that's not true but I'm sure that they are a contributing factor to Amazon rainforests reduced lung capacity and heavy wheezing. And what do we do with all these jackson pollock style master pieces that are covered in half dried poster paints that weld themselves to the car, glitter (the syphillis of the arts & crafts world as you can't get rid of it) & an ocean of PVA glue that covers the page from corner to corner? Be honest - we take a half glance, pay the appropriate compliments & then 95% of their portfolio goes straight to that special private gallery in the cupboard - the recycling bin. Do I feel guilty? Sure, a bit, but I'm 4 kids in, so that guilt gets brushed off pretty easily - I'm cold as ice. (Fyi we keep the best ones, we're not total monsters!) #coldasice #disposableart #wheresmypicturegone #fatherofdaughters #twins #dadlife #instadad #fod

Een bericht gedeeld door Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) op

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Conventional wisdom tells us that the passage of time through space happens at a constant rate forwards, but when you have children, that changes. I can only conclude that there's a rip in the space time continuum right above the girls bedroom as time just vanished this evening, leaving me feeling like I'd be screwed hard by a flux capacitor with anger management issues. One moment it's 6.30pm & I'm rounding them up for a bath, then I blinked & it was 8.15pm the world had fallen apart. Bath time - a tsunami nightmare that would have drowned the entire cast of 'honey I shrunk the kids'. Teeth - a stand off that ended in toothpaste in the eyes. Story time - A jackanory balls up that left me questioning my life choices. Bed time - a yoga session for hyperactive chipmunks that ended with Ottie hiding for 15 minutes in silence & me shouting down the street in the dark because I thought she'd gone (only to be found eating a chocolate egg under Anya's desk covered in a blanket). Of course, as I'd focused all my energy on these 2, the elder ones hadnt even had dinner! It may have only been a total of 1hr 45 minutes but I've aged several years on the process. I'm stongly considering calling Doc Brown to take be back to 2015 so I can get a vasectomy. #doctakemebacktogetavasectomy #ihatetuesday #screwedbyyimetravel #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #fod

Een bericht gedeeld door Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) op

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Ah soft play. If you've never been, let me paint a picture for you. Close your eyes & imagine a gigantic fancy hamster cage made from wipe clean surfaces that a rainbow vomited over. Now imagine that cage is in a large room with a thermostat stuck on Sahara desert mode & has the same ventilation as a vacuum chamber. Now imagine what seems like 1000 feral kids ranging in ages from 1 to small adults all thrown in that cage, hydrated only by carbonated drinks and adrenaline, who know they're free from parental supervision for the next hour. Finally add in the stale smell of farts and feet. Congratulations, you're at softplay! @mother_of_daughters suggested we came here while she was out yesterday , but we all know that's code for "I spent 5 hours cleaning up after you lot yesterday & I want you to sod off so there's a chance the house won't look like a squat hit by a dirty bomb when I get home. Fair enough. Soft play it is. #softplay #warehouseoffartsandfeet #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #fod #

Een bericht gedeeld door Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) op

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Sometimes when I'm down about my babies not being babies anymore, I just look at this picture, smile and think about this day, 2 & half years ago. Having become increasingly frustrated that all my clothes were getting dyed a shade of pink that farrow and ball would no doubt name 'whispering vagina', I decided to take control & combined house work with Childcare. Don't worry, I'm not a monster, I just put them on a low speed spin setting and went easy on the fabric conditioner. The tumble dryer was a step too far so hanging them out to drip dry seemed the next best option. for future reference, children take about 3 hours to dry on the line. Now look again - bet you didn't see the one in the basket! #shesinthebasket #nobathtonight #hangthemouttodry #whisperingvagina #lifeadmin #fatherofdaughters #twins #dadlife #fod #instadad

Een bericht gedeeld door Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) op

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No, this is not a background extra milking their scene in some low budget B movie horror film. It's the moment when I was getting headshots taken for my book & Ottie decided she absolutely positively couldn't give me a moment to myself - transforming my moment, very much into her moment. Clemmie scooped her up seconds later & I can laugh at this now but it does remind me just how hard it can be to achieve the simplest of tasks when a wailing child is within close promixity - thanks @philippajames for catching the memory & exposing the realities behind the image you see in the book! (Click on the link in my bio to get a copy) #backgroundscenegrabber #stealingmymoment #zombietoddler #theimagebehindtheimage #parenthoodinapicture #foreveroutnumbered #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #fod #instadad

Een bericht gedeeld door Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) op

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I always wonder how toddlers view festivals as it's such a break from normal life. They see a lot of adults stand in a field usually reserved for farm animals & watch them slowly regress to being teenagers again, shouting "I love this tune!" Or "who's this band - I've never heard of them", while embarrasing their families by dancing as if their limbs were independently controlled by an invisible puppet master. They're treated to a muffled audio experience of the world through neon ear defenders while observing other children run around, seemingly free of supervision (although infact mum & dad are taking turns to have 'eyes on' & make sure they don't stray too far), fuelled by a day long course of glucose supplied by parents wanting an arguement free afternoon. Their nappies get changed under open skies & sleep covered in coats, only to wake and find they are still in same field, but the sun's gone to bed, everyone's covered in glitter & daddy is sporting a childs tutu. It must be a very confusing sensory overload, but they seem to love it & a break from norm is something we all need now & again #festivalfashion #throughtheeyesofatoddler #breakfromthenorm #whosthatonstage #onemoretune #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #twins

Een bericht gedeeld door Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) op

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When things are delivered to our house, the girls are usually more interested in claiming rights to the box in order to a make-shift den & couldn't care less about the contents, however I have a feeling that this particular box maybe be the exception to that rule. With 4 kids in tow, it's unlikely I'll be allowed to leave the house any time soon to soak up the summer of sport, so I'm chuffed that @SamsungUK have given me the chance to test drive their New QLED TV. I love my children dearly, and I know you're not supposed to have favourites, but this newest member of the family can be controlled by remote, blends in to the background when in ambient mode & leaves hardly any mess behind itself as it only has one almost invisible wire for everything, so this may well be one that tops the list. The question is, will I be given the time to immerse myself in a big screen summer of sport or will it be commandeered by small people to watch 4k Cartoons? Only Time will tell......... #fatherofdaughters #ad #dadlife #summerofsport #instadad #dadlife #fod #boxforthekidsTVforme #SeeNothingElse #SamsungUK

Een bericht gedeeld door Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) op

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